When “Being Nice” Becomes Self-Abandonment

"Daring To Set Boundaries Is About Having The Courage To Love Ourselves, Even When We Risk Disappointing Others" - Brene Brown

Are you aware that there’s a difference between being kind and abandoning yourself to keep others comfortable?

Sometimes we feel like we have to say Yes because we don’t want to disappoint anyone, where as other time we seem to shut down and we stay quiet just to avoid conflict.

Other times, we just keep giving long after we’re emotionally exhausted because we’ve convinced ourselves that being needed means being valued.

And that is where, along the way, we begin calling it “being nice.”

But, if you really pay attention, deep down, there are moments when being nice just doesn’t feel kind at all—it just feels heavy, draining...and quietly painful.

Why does it feel like this when all you want to do is be nice and be helpful? Because constantly putting yourself second comes with a cost.

Maybe it's time to gently ask yourself some very important questions so that you can return to balance:

* Where in your life have you been shrinking your own needs just to maintain peace with others?

* Where have you been overextending your energy, just so that you can hold on to hope to be understood, appreciated, or accepted?

* Where have you stayed available long after your spirit was asking for rest?

Mind you, these questions aren’t meant to create guilt or shame - they are invitations into awareness.

When we look at how self-abandonment happens, it creeps in slowly and quietly and can look like:

* Ignoring your own exhaustion

* Saying yes when your body wants to say no

* Accepting any type of treatment that hurts you because you fear being “difficult”

* The feeling of being responsible for everyone else’s emotions while neglecting your own

It boils down to protecting your own peace at any cost. And to remember that it absolutely does not make you selfish; it just makes you honest with yourself.

What Would It Look Like to Protect Your Spirit?

By not doing it through anger and not through shutting the world out. It is about being quiet and following through in steady ways.

How can you find your balance, and still follow through without anger? Maybe it looks like:

* Taking longer to respond instead of being and not feeling like you are constantly available

* Saying “I can’t do that right now” without over explaining

* Leaving any spaces that make you emotionally depleted

* Actually resting without guilt

* Choosing relationships where your softness feels respected and safe

Protecting your spirit can be gentle, it can be calm and it can be deeply loving.

It just has to be remembered that boundaries are not punishments—they are actually acts of self-respect.

You are allowed to care deeply for others without sacrificing yourself in the process, you are allowed to honor your limits and you are allowed to choose peace over performance.

Maybe by changing one's perspectives by realizing that healing begins the moment you stop asking,

“How can I make everyone else comfortable?”and start asking, “What do I need to feel whole, grounded, and at peace within myself?”

Maybe asking yourself that question, and answering honestly, that can change your perspective, and potentially, assist you in healing.